it's about time

I feel like ... I've been trying to conceive for twenty six years, got pregnant in January, 2021, and am here nine months later, finally giving birth! -- to my blog!!! Except ... not at all physically painful, other than the cramp in my shoulders from writing, and only completely mentally and emotionally exhausting because who is ever ready to be a mom?!

>.< ; this has surely been a long time coming and I really do feel like I'm birthing this blog. The water has broke, and this is me having contractions. The baby's name? when the data aint pretty.

when the data aint pretty was conceived in early 2021 during a period of much personal reflection and global confusion. By that time, we (New Yorkers) were a little less than a year into the COVID-19 global pandemic and US lock down.

It was a year since my last vacation, a trip to Guatemala where I'd met the most brilliant souls in my life. In January, 2020, I was staying in an orphanage for a few days, practicing my Spanish, eating unfamiliar meals, playing familiar games, and learning about the lives of the little girls who live there and their children. Yes, their (they're) children. I was spending time with 13-year-old mothers who were simultaneously breastfeeding while completing their science homework. Not all of them were mothers. But they were an entire community of little adult children. There, they were all older siblings. They were all family. They were all caretakers. And they were all babies, themselves.

At times, though I was older, and seemingly needing to "discipline" the kids, they'd stop me dead in my tracks with their sassy 'tude and put me in my place. Who was I to walk in there and demand that they share their toys? At the same time, when I first met little Juan, he tackled me with hugs and kisses, shoved his favorite, spicy, snot smothered chips into my face, and welcomed me like I had finally come home after some time.

Home. That's what I felt. I couldn't quite put my finger on it then but now I realize that it was home. Home to so many children who made a place where they belonged, where they did not have to meet, every day, with hunger, neglect, or abuse.

I owe many thanks to that family. They shared so much of their culture and their love with me, a total stranger. And it reminded me of the power of peace and love. It also reminded me of the need to protect it.

So, here I am today, pushing out and introducing my baby to the world -- one I made with the desire to create a home in which 'tude and love have a place together. when the data aint pretty is my miracle. And while I dedicate this blog to the girls and boys I met in Guatemala, it is a home for anyone who is looking for ways to live, talk about, and hone in on a feminist lifestyle.

'tude and love,

michelle

photos by me from la casa de angel